I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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