I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
