I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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