I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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