Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
