When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
