My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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