btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
