You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
