Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
