please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
