i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
