he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
