i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
