Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
