I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
