we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
