I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
