it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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