Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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