I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
