Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
