Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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