So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
