Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
