Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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