So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
