Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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