I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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