her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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