i think my mom watched the whole time
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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