Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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