I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
