They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
