the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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