he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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