I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
