i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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