All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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