I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
