I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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