i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
