ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
