SEEEEXXX PLEASE
my being single is dangerous.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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