I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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