there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
