I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You ruined the universe
Randomize
