ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
