Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
