Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
