I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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